He Saved Me!

At the age of thirteen I ditched school and got high of marijuana with a few friends. We decided we needed more money for drugs so we devised a plan to rob someone. That we did. I robbed a car dealership with a sawed off shotgun as my friend acted as the lookout. We received $101 (it's okay to laugh) and bought more drugs. I was apprehended and sentenced to ten years in prison of which I spent the majority of it save nine months of freedom here and there.

While in prison I became involved in prison gangs and organized (or semi-organized crime depending on who you asked) and devoted my life to it. In fact violence channeled through gangs was my sole purpose in life. I desired to "make a name" for myself. Assaults, prison riots, drugs and so called "family" (fellow gang members) became a part of every day life. It was all about me. Pride was out motto. Everyone was to fear me (us) and respect me. And this came at all costs.

"Friends" that I did many crimes with and "put in work" with became victims of such selfishness and hatred because they became "soft" or became "no good" (turn against the gang). Enemies were, at times, attacked on sight. It was attack or be attacked and the claim to great fame was the former.

That was one kind of "enemy." The other was any type of law enforcement. In our minds they were oppressors. They were seeking to persecute our cause (it's amazing what the depraved mind can convince others of). Whenever they tired to "intervene" by arresting us we were to defend the cause at all costs. This sinful mentality earned me two battery on peace officers to my record which amounted to two "stripes" on my sleeve in gang culture.

We sought to model the military structure. Discipline and training became our way of life. Get up at 6:00 a.m., roll up the mattress, perform 45 minutes of rigorous exercise for prepartion for "war" (riots) so that one could be "fit" for battle and maintain endurance in order to be the "last man standing." "Education" was not an option. We were to be studios (praise the Lord for His sovereignty since this displine of diligently studying carried over into my Christianity) reading books like Sun Tzu's the Art of War. In the "hole" (segregation or administrative segregation) I was next door to a rival gang member (it was acceptable to talk to one another in such circumstances because times were rough and things got really boring) who not only new all 154 of Shakespeare's sonnets but could recite them from memory!

On the surface everyone who new thought I was a "hardcore," "down" homeboy that feared no one and did did not care about anyone but was "loyal to the cause." But inwardly things were different. I started to become convicted of my sin. I started to fear the judgment of God-the lake of fire. Of course this was all the working of the Holy Spirit but I didn't know that then. Over the years I wanted out f gangs but it was my whole life. It was all I knew- it was my identity! I feared them and the loneliness that awaited such "cowardice."

The Lord in His infinite wisdom and sovereignty moved things along. I was releases on parole in 2001. I was drinking at my cousins house when a fellow gang member showed up in excitement and nervous. He had just participated in a gang related homicide. He was one of the shooters. Three people were shot and one died. He dropped the murder weapon off at my cousin's. Gang protocol demanded that I help out a fellow "brother" and do what I can to cover up. I did. I disposed of two handguns.

Fast forward a month or two later I was in prison again on a parole violation. I was questioned by the police. Here is where I can only but emphasize the sovereignty of God. I knew that when the cops questioned me they were going to bluff. They were going to insist they found the weapons and had my fingerprints on me. We were trained for this kind of stuff. We read their police investigation manuals and books as well as from experience. Hence I knew that if they really had something on me they would have arrested me. But at that moment I did what I never vowed to do- "snitch." I had never done such a thing before. In fact I had such people and made had a reputation for assaulting the "no goods." But I was tired. tired of the guilt, being stuck in that sinful lifestyle. So I handed them the case. They had two innocent people in jail and we were going to let them "take one for the team." After all they were "young bucks" that needed to earn their "stripes."

I made a deal and was put in the state Witness Protection Program. I lasted for only one month and ran. Went to my cousins and smoked meth, marijuana and drank alcohol for three days with only eating one meal (a hamburger). My mind snapped and I thought my family was trying to kill me. I ran around midnight hearing voices in my head, talking, no, shouting at shadows thinking they were people plotting to kill me. A saw a bus coming at one point and was walking in front of it waiting to throw myself into it at the last second. Then as the driver swerved to avoid me I jumped out of the way at the last second thinking I didn't want to get hit only to survive and be paralyzed.

Eventually the police were called and approached me but I ran. They caught up to me pulled their guns on me and I thought suicide by cop would be good. so i pulled at my meth pipe acted like it was a gun and refused to get on the ground. We were at a standstill for a minute or so but then  (obviously by the mercy and grace of God) I thought about hell and didn't want to go there so I threw the pipe down and broke it. I was arrested again.

I figured if I slept for a day or so all the pain, guilt and misery would go away. So I did. I woke up it was all still there. I was desperate and alone. Those I lived for now despised and wanted me gone. I wanted to take my own life and end it all. I feared hell but foolishly and stupidly figured I'd deal with that pain when I got got there. I just wanted to end this misery now and deal with whatever later. I was all alone or so I thought.

I say all this only for background information. The important part is what follows, it centers on Christ Jesus  of whom the Apostle Paul says, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Ga 2:19–20).

Nine years ago I was on the verge of hanging myself and thrusting my eternity into the just wrath of God in hell, but He intervened and rescued me! Let me rephrase that- He saved me! From what? He saved me from His righteous wrath, His justice due to sinners like me. To put it more plainly God saved me from Himself. Not only that, he reconciled me to Himself. I was born His enemy and lived as His enemy breaking His just laws and commands. I deserved the wrath of the one and only holy God. Yet, because God is loving and merciful, that day on Feb 27th or 28th of 2002 (don't remember exactly because I was on a three day drug binge and lost track of time) the Lord reached down in love and gave me life. He took my heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh so that I could repent of my sins and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ whom suffered the wrath of God in my place (on the cross) and charges His perfect law keeping life to my account. That is why I can sing Amazing Grace. One moment I was a God hater and the next God lovingly and mercifully saves me; grants me blessings in Christ too numerous to cover here. Ephesians 2:1-6 says it this way: "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus" and Romans 5:10-11 puts it this way: "For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."


This salvation, reconciliation and adoption is only made possible through one person and person alone (John 14:6, Acts 4:12) and He is the Lord Jesus Christ- fully God and fully man (John 1:1). God Himself stepped off His heavenly throne to rescue sinners. He came to glorify the Father's name and rescue His people (John 17:1-26, Matt. 1:21, John 10:1-16). Because He loves His rebellious, sinful creation, He came to give His life for them. We broke the law of God, we sinned against Him and deserve the fury of His anger and yet our Savior came take the wrath of God in our place. The perfect, sinless Lamb of God was crucified on the cross at Calvary. This was foretold in Isaiah 53 which reads: "But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all...Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him; he has put him to grief; when his soul makes an offering for guilt, he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand. Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant, make many to be accounted righteous, and he shall bear their iniquities" (Isaiah 53:5-6,10-11). 


This is the primary reason the Creator entered His creation. He says, "Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name” (John 12:27–28). The Lord Jesus glorified the Father's name in many ways. But in this context it was His sacrificial death (which includes His resurrection) to secure the salvation, reconciliation and adoption of those He came for. He alone fulfilled the perfect keeping of the Law; through His sinlessness He met the righteous requirements that God demands (Gal. 3:10, 2 Cor. 5:21). Not only did He die a death sinners deserve but His perfect obedience is credited to the account of the repentant person that is trusting in Christ alone for their acceptance with God (2 Cor. 5:21) and this means that the believer in Jesus is viewed by God as if He kept God's law perfectly himself. Now that is the epitome of love, mercy and grace!

Christ saved me! When I was in the act of hanging myself, He acted upon me. I wasn't looking for Him at that moment. I was more concerned with ending my pain and misery of sin, guilt, bondage and loneliness. But because God is merciful and loving, He called (not audibly) me. He acted upon me by removing my heart of stone and giving me a heart of flesh and bringing to mind the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which I had heard throughout my years of gangs, prisons and drugs, from former gang members. That very moment I repented and believed on the Lord Jesus Christ. I remember vividly getting on my hands and knees and crying out to God. Confessing my sinfulness and need of Christ as well as thanking Him for dying and raising victoriously from the grave and because He saved me, not only, from the wrath of God so that I no longer had to fear death and hell but Christ also freed me from my bondage to sin ( John 8:34-36) so much so that what Peter says became a reality: "Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery, and they malign you; but they will give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead" (1 Pe 4:1–5). 


I only have victory in Jesus. Not only did He live a perfect life for sinners and die a wrathful death due sinners but He defeated both sin and death. Death no longer has dominion over me (1 Cor. 15:50-58). I don't have to fear it. Because death is a result of sin and the power of sin is the law; Christ is the conqueror of all and since I am His, then death for me only means that I am in the presence of my glorious and holy God. This was accomplished through the resurrection of Christ ( 1 Cor. 15,). His resurrection also secured my legal right standing before the living God. My faith and confidence that I am justified before God is only because of Chris Jesus, in both His death and resurrection: "That is why his faith was 'counted to him as righteousness.' 23 But the words 'it was counted to him' were not written for his sake alone, but for ours also. It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification" (Ro 4:22–25). After all there is no hope nor confidence in a dead savior.

It has been nine years since He saved me. And since then, because He first loved me, my love for Him has grown and will continue to grow. I now have beautiful wife and son and have been called to the ministry where I pastor a small church in McCall, Idaho. Not only has the Lord saved me but He hasn't stopped blessing me. Oh, what grace! I will say along with the Apostle Paul, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Ga 2:20). Soli Deo Gloria!

For His Glory,
Fernando