You Might Be A Calvinist If...

I posted this on the Puritanboard.com a while ago. I forget exactly where I got it from. Enjoy. =)


You might be a Calvinist if...


If you have a Martin Luther Jell-O mold, you just might be a Calvinist.


If your child’s first word was “Westminster”, you just might be a Calvinist.


Or, if you send your mother tulips on Mother’s Day,


… you might be a Calvinist.


If you still remember the 8 speakers in order from the recent T4G conference, or


If a free Bible has ever arrived in the mail to you from John McArthur, or


If you have ever purchased 100 or more copies of the same John Piper book to hand out to random people you meet,


…you just might be a Calvinist.


If you purchased an MP3 player with the sole purpose of downloading sermons, or


If you were shocked to just discover that some people download MP3 files that are not sermons, or


If you have adjusted the default passage setting at BibleGateway.com: A searchable online Bible in over 100 versions and 50 languages. from “NIV” to “ESV”


… you might be a Calvinist.




If your preacher says to turn to Obadiah and you do not use the index, or


If you think a 50-minute sermon is too short, or


If you’ve ever heard a wave of groans sweep through Sunday School when you refer to Romans 9,


…you just might be a Calvinist.




If you find yourself talking to the Lord Jesus more than to your family, and


If you find yourself wanting to read your Bible instead of watching television, and


If quotes from Pink, Spurgeon, Luther, Piper, and McArthur pop into your head at random times during the day


…you might be a Calvinist.




If you are confused when someone uses the term “my Bible” as if they only have one, and


If your Bibles must be replaced in less than a year due to pages separating from the spine, and


If you smile, nod and hold your tongue with your teeth after a lively church service when someone says, “God showed up today”


…you might be a Calvinist.




If you’ve ever shouted “YES!” when the pastor says to turn to 1st Thessalonians, and


If you see 6:37 on a digital clock and think of the Lord Jesus’ words in John, and


If you’ve muted a Thanksgiving football game because it’s interfering with your family discussion of Ephesians 1


…you might be a Calvinist.




If you have bookmarked three or more preachers’ scripture index webpages, and


If you’ve ever been banned from a Sunday School class for quoting scripture, and


If you have ever purposefully sung a different word in a hymn to conform to scripture,


… you might be a Calvinist.




If your kids own more Bibles than televisions, and


If your children never ask you “Where are we going?” on Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night, and


If you’ve ever read parts of “The Bondage of the Will” to children under ten and prayed that it would change their lives


…you just might be a Calvinist.




If your child received detention at his Christian school after shouting, “But I am a Hedonist Pyromaniac!” or


If your children argue and you require them to listen to a Piper Sermon as punishment, or


If you visit pyromaniacs, tominthebox, spurgeon.org, desiringgod.org, and gty.org, more than once a day, yes…


You just might…. I say you just might…. Yes… you just might be a Calvinist

Your 4 year old and 2 year old would rather listen to The White Horse Inn instead of Adventures in Odyssey- (credit a brother on the puritanboard for this one)

Feel free to add anymore you can come up with or know.

Awretchsaved